Jennie here. I have six kids, and at the moment—yes, almost all of them are involved in youth sports. From soccer fields to gymnastics gyms I’ve spent my fair share of weekends with a hot apple cider or waterbottle in one hand, a folding chair in the other and juggling snacks. Gotta have the snacks.

There are so many reasons I love youth sports for kids. They learn how to be on a team, build confidence, move their bodies, handle disappointment, and celebrate effort. Sports can be a safe and fun space for growth—and that’s the part I care about most.  In our family, my kids get to choose their sport. It’s not about being the best or going pro—it’s about learning, trying, and having fun.

After every game, match, meet, etc I ask three things:

Did you have fun?
What was your favorite part?
What do you think you did well?

That’s it. No critiques. No film reviews. Just connection and encouragement.

But here’s what’s been bothering me.

Lately, I’ve noticed an uptick in unhealthy sideline behavior from other adults. Things like shouting at referees, criticizing kids’ performance loudly (theirs, their kids’ teammates, or even worse the other teams’ kids), rolling eyes or loud reactions when someone messes up, giving the cold shoulder after a tough game, or coaching from the sidelines in a way that sounds more like pressure than support. As a parent—and especially as a foster and adoptive parent—this is deeply concerning to me.

Yesterday, my 9 year old foster kiddo was playing against another team.  Picture this: Cold, Windy, Rainy.  And a little girl on the other team, was so emotional on the field, hiccuping from crying so hard – telling her dad, “I AM TRYING, I couldn’t see, the rain was in my eyes“.   Later I heard her saying, “I do want to play, I couldn’t catch her she was really fast”  Later she had an AMAZING throw in, right in front of me. Her dad yelled “you did it wrong”  It broke my heart to watch how she went from huge grin to defeated in moments. I heard the parents calling their team kids a wide range of names and how as the game went on, the parents become increasingly frustrated while the kids became overwhelmed. My kiddo looked to me, and I reminded her, “ignore them, have fun, play your best, i’m right here!”   Everytime she messed up she looked right at me. She was watching to see how I would react. Would I yell at her or encourage her?  She was looking to me for co-regulation. 

My children, like so many others, have already experienced adults who weren’t safe or kind.  I want them to grow up surrounded by positive, emotionally healthy role models. While i’m not a perfect parent by any means, when they’re in environments where they are exposed to adults are being verbally abusive, where they’re being yelled at, compared, or made to feel like their value depends on their performance, it chips away at the very things sports are meant to build: self-worth, confidence, and connection. My kids don’t understand why other parents are being so unkind or cruel.  Honestly, I don’t either.  The last few games that I have taken my 9 year old and 12 year old to in the past month, have resulted in conversations in the car about how some adults have big feelings and that it is NOT okay for them to be unkind to their kids or to other kids.  We’ve now started role playing how they are to respond to hecklers. 

Last night, one of my kiddos asked me to “tell the world to stop being bullies”

So I put together these lighthearted—but meaningful—lists for caregivers. These are playful reminders tailored to different ages (because what a kindergartener needs from us is different from what a high schooler does). You’ll find guidance that’s not about rules—but about raising humans who feel safe, supported, and seen on and off the field.

For Parents of Kids Ages 4–8 (The “We Just Figured Out Which Goal Is Ours” Years)

• Let them chase butterflies and the ball.
  Their attention span is still under construction—so is the concept of “positions.”

• A cartwheel during the game isn’t disrespect.
  It’s joy, movement, and maybe showing off for Grandma.

• Yelling “SHOOT IT!” from the sidelines is like asking a squirrel to do your taxes.
  They’re still learning what the game is—volume won’t speed it up.

• Every high five means more than the score.
  Connection builds confidence. Scoreboards don’t.

• If they cry, they’re not soft—they’re small.
  Big feelings in little bodies need big compassion.

• They won’t remember the game, but they will remember how you acted.
  Be the parent they’re proud to spot on the sideline.

• They already ran the wrong way—no need to bring it up 14 more times.
  Growth > gloating. Every kid has a blooper reel.

• There’s magic in messy play.
  Mud, giggles, and juice boxes = childhood done right.

• They might still believe that every player gets a trophy and a dragon.
  Don’t crush the wonder with a “winning-is-everything” talk.

• If they pick flowers, clap like they scored.
  Because in their brain? That was the play.

• Their jersey is still longer than their legs.
  That means they’re still very much in beginner mode—let them be little.

• Let the coach correct their dribble—you just cheer for the effort.
  Even if the ball went to the moon.

• Nobody ever needed a performance review at age 5.
  “I love watching you play” is the only post-game analysis required.

   

For Parents of Kids Ages 9–14  (The “I’m Taking This Seriously But Still Learning Everything” Years)

• Puberty and peer pressure are already playing defense—go easy on them.
  This stage is messy, hormonal, and humbling. Sport should feel like a safe zone.

• They’re figuring out how to fail in public.
  Make sure the lesson isn’t “If I mess up, I disappoint my parents.”

• Don’t be the reason they dread the ride home.
  No lectures. Just snacks, memes, and “Did you have fun?”

• They may act like they don’t care. They do.
  Your facial expressions on the sideline? They’ve noticed all of them.

• If you must yell, try “I love your hustle!” not “WHAT WAS THAT?!”
  Encouragement fuels effort. Criticism fuels shame.

• Remember when they used to run like baby giraffes?
  Celebrate the growth, not just the goals.

• They’re comparing themselves to every teammate already.
  Your job is to be the antidote, not the amplifier.

• Mistakes mean they’re learning.
  If they nailed it every time, it wouldn’t be called practice.

• That ref? Likely someone’s parent or an overworked teen.
  Chill. They’re human. And doing their best.

• The sideline is not a coaching zone.
  Two voices = confusion. Let the coach coach.

• Don’t confuse your dream with their interest.
  Just because you loved sports doesn’t mean they have to.

• They might try a new sport every season—and that’s okay.
  Sampling builds skill, confidence, and identity.

• If they’re laughing with teammates, it’s a win.
  Fun is still the metric that matters most.

• “Did you try your best?” is more powerful than “Did you win?”
  Effort is the muscle that builds resilience.

• If they need to quit, pivot, or take a break—it’s not failure.
  It’s wisdom in progress.

For Parents of High School Athletes (The “Almost Grown But Still Need You” Years)

• They’re not adults yet.
  They still need love over lectures—especially after a tough game.

• Losing a game isn’t losing their worth.
  Keep the perspective. They’re building identity, not a résumé.

• College recruiters may be watching, but so are younger siblings.
  Model how to be a gracious winner and a grounded supporter.

• You don’t need to rewatch film—just be their safe landing spot.
  Their coach breaks down tape. You build them back up.

• Critiquing from the car ruins the connection.
  Drive-thru praise > drive-by analysis.

• They might be tough on the field, but soft off it.
  Let them drop the armor when they’re home.

• This might be their last season ever.
  Don’t spend it stressed over stats. Soak up the memories.

• If you’re making it about your pride, you’re missing the point.
  It’s their journey. Your job is to cheer, not steer.

• Praise the perseverance.
  Showing up for 6 a.m. practices while juggling school is heroic.

• A bad game isn’t bad character.
  Don’t conflate performance with personality.

• They know the stakes. What they need is belief.
  A calm, “You’ve got this” outshines a thousand side-eye sighs.

• Be someone they want in the stands.
  If they look your way, let them see trust.

• Celebrate their courage to compete, not just their scoreboard stats.
  Showing up is brave. Keep naming it.

• They’re not just building athletic skills—they’re building adult habits.
  What they learn here goes far beyond the field.

• When the season ends, they’ll remember how you made them feel.
  Be their biggest fan—no conditions, no caveats.

This all matters because the sideline behavior of adults shapes the emotional experience of kids in sports—and those early experiences influence how children see themselves, how they relate to others, and whether they stay engaged in healthy activities over time.

Youth sports shape identity.  For many kids, the soccer field, basketball court, or baseball diamond is their first experience with teamwork, performance, failure, and feedback. The emotional tone of these moments imprints quickly—especially when tied to caregiver reactions.

The nervous system is watching. Kids are constantly scanning for safety or threat. A parent’s angry outburst or visible disappointment can activate their stress response (fight, flight, or freeze)—not growth or resilience. This derails emotional learning and can wire in anxiety, avoidance, or people-pleasing tendencies.

Self-worth gets built—or bruised—on the sidelines. Kids internalize messages fast. “You’re only proud of me if I win” turns into perfectionism or shame. “You love watching me play” builds secure attachment and inner confidence.

Sports are supposed to teach life skills—like teamwork, perseverance, emotional regulation. But these skills only take root when kids feel emotionally safe enough to risk, mess up, and try again.

Dropout rates are rising. According to the Aspen Institute, the #1 reason kids quit sports is because it’s not fun anymore. That often starts with adult over-involvement or pressure.

Co-regulation is key. Kids learn to manage their highs and lows by borrowing the calm of the adults around them. If the adults are dysregulated—yelling at refs, pacing, fuming—it dysregulates the child too.

Oh! Story time again!  You’ll love this one…promise!

Last year, one of my daughters decided to try soccer. She was nine. New sport. New team. New cleats that hadn’t seen a speck of dirt.  But she wanted to play.  The girls on the team had clearly been playing together for a while—they passed effortlessly, they had chants, they knew the drill. The coaches? Decades of experience, and thei resumes were impressive.  Meanwhile, here came my girl: freshly adopted, still finding her place in the world, and walking into a team dynamic she’d never experienced before. She didn’t have the footwork. She didn’t yet understand offsides. She definitely didn’t have the instinct to run into the game plays chasing a ball at full speed. She was afraid of the ball. But what she did have?   Heart.  And the courage to try.

That first game?  Oof.
Handball in the goalie box—penalty kick. The other team scored.
Later, she ran offsides—twice.
Even later, she turned around to chase the ball… the wrong way.
At one point, she ran away from the ball when it came to her.

And then the worst part:  The parents on the other team laughed at her. Loudly.

But our team’s sideline of parents?
They clapped. They encouraged her every single time she touched the ball that season.
They shouted: “You’ve got this!”   “Keep going!” “Good hustle!”

They saw her heart. Not just her footwork. They showed her: “You belong here.”  After practices or games all year she would hear:
“We’re watching you work so hard!”
“That moment where you ran between the players was so brave!”
“You’re showing so much confidence!”
“Love that you didn’t give up on that play where you protected the goalie…”

And the coaches? They stuck with her. Gentle reminders. Patience with teaching footwork and skills.

And now? Her, finishing her second season with that team? She’s flying. Literally jumping into the air to stop goals. Fearless. Focused. Fierce.  The goalie’s mom stated, that she appreciates when she’s on defense, because she knows she’ll try to protect the goalie, keeping the ball out of there. WOW!

What changed?  Not just her skill—but the voices in her head. The ones that got planted by adults who chose encouragement over embarrassment. Who understood that every player starts somewhere, and what matters most is not whether a kid scores—it’s whether a kid feels safe enough to keep trying.   The coaches, the parents, us – it takes a village.

And at the end of the day, youth sports should be a playground for growth. And parents—whether they realize it or not—are often the biggest influence on whether a child walks off the field feeling strong…or small.  Lets normalize lifting our kids up, encouraging them to try their best and celebrating their small moments.

Let’s keep youth sports fun. Let’s be the adults they deserve.

So you found out someone you care about is dealing with infertility.

First of all, thanks for being here! If you’re reading this you must care a lot about supporting this person and they are so lucky to have you on their side. If you’ve been struggling to come up with the words to help them, let me assure you that is so completely normal. None of us are born with the knowledge of how to deal with every heartbreaking scenario that might come our way.

Good news! You don’t have to have the perfect words. What you need likely rests in the connection you already have with this person. Everyone’s fertility journey is different and I don’t speak for everyone. But here are some things your loved one might want you to keep in mind.

You Don’t Have to Fix It

I know you want to. I love you for wanting to. This is probably what everyone have most in common. We both want a solution and feel helpless against the uncertainty of the future.

Someone going through infertility might say: I assure you, I’ve tried the “solutions.” It must be so painful to feel helpless next to me and my struggle. But I want you to know it feels good to have you there. Just knowing you’re next to me is enough. An arm around my shoulder, a box of tissues at your side. That’s what I need more than any words or possible solutions.

So instead of “why not just adopt?” or “if you stop trying it’ll just happen” try these instead:
“I’m here for you”
“If you need to just vent, I can listen”
“If you want to go somewhere and talk about ANYTHING I got you”

I’m Moody

Your friend or loved one might be thinking:

I’m so mad this is happening to me.
I’m terrified treatment won’t work.
I’m filled with longing every time the secretary at work walks by with her cute baby bump in all it’s glory.
I’m excited about the follicle count from my last ultrasound.
I’m disappointed that most of my eggs were immature.
I’m sore from injecting hormones.
I’m tired from staying awake wondering if my embryo transfer will succeed.
I’m all the feelings, all the time, in rapid succession!!!!!

Infertility is a legitimate roller coaster and if they’re taking hormones….WOW. Watch out. Please be patient with them and know that their mood changes aren’t directed at you. But please don’t avoid them either. They desperately want to feel normal and you treating them like you always have helps with that even when it doesn’t seem to.

Please, please, please no toxic positivity

“Everything happens for a reason”
“I know someone who did X, Y, and Z and everything worked out perfectly”
“Just think positively!!”
You mean well. I know you do. But if you can just sit in the muck with me without trying to “positive vibes” me past my feelings, I’ll be so grateful for it.

Respect Boundaries

Fertility is a very personal journey. Not just for those struggling. Please be mindful of your questions and respect their decision not to share. If they do confide in you, please hold trust as sacred and only share with others  Having trustworthy relationships in our corner is so strengthening.

Leave YOUR Expectations Out

This is a biggie. Another reminder that fertility is personal and there is no “right way” to make a family. Several factors influence decisions around how anyone responds to infertility including time, age, money, culture, religion, medical access, physical impediments, emotional bandwidth, and gut instinct. Decisions about how to proceed have been labored over and thought to death so if you haven’t been explicitly asked to share your opinion please refrain.

Here are some things to say when a loved one shares their decision with you:
“How are you feeling about that?”
“I know you’ve made the right decision for you”
“How can I help?”
“Let’s go get tacos and relax”

Again, thanks for showing up for your loved one during an emotionally exhausting time in their lives. Infertility can feel so isolating. I’m glad you’re here.

If you’re reading this, you might be one of the 17.5% of people walking the hard road of infertility. And if you are, you already know—this path can feel lonely, confusing, and relentless. It’s completely normal to feel fear, anger, sadness, and dread at any point in your infertility journey.   You might feel like your emotions are all over the place. One moment you’re cautiously hopeful. The next, you’re blindsided by a wave of sadness or rage you didn’t see coming. That’s not weakness. That’s grief. And today, I want to talk about the quiet, heavy presence of grief in the infertility experience—especially two forms it often takes.

Grieving a Pregnancy Loss

This kind of grief is often expected, though it’s no less devastating. Miscarriage—the most common pregnancy complication—affects around 15% of pregnancies. For many trying to conceive, it comes after months or years of effort, countless appointments, and cautious celebration after finally seeing that positive test. And then, just as suddenly as hope arrived, it vanishes.

Many people getting infertility treatment have experienced miscarriage, and some have gone through recurrent pregnancy loss. If this is you, please know that your feelings of grief are valid and have weight. Sometimes we get the message that we need to rush past grief and focus on hope. But it’s easier to access hope if we allow ourselves the space to acknowledge and honor those important feelings of loss. Additionally, it is not your “job” to feel any certain way. Your struggles to conceive are not your fault. Neither are any losses. And allowing yourself room to feel sadness and anger after a pregnancy ends will not impede your future attempts to make a baby.

If this is your story:
Your grief is real.
Your grief is valid.
Your grief deserves time.

You don’t need to “get over it.”
You don’t need to move quickly to hope.
And you certainly don’t need to apologize for how deeply you feel the loss.

There is no expiration date on heartbreak. Let yourself honor it.

Grieving the Picture You Had in Mind

There’s another kind of grief that shows up too—the kind that sneaks in quietly, in the background. The grief of your life not turning out the way you imagined.  Most of us have some kind of vision of how our life will turn out. Whether or not we’ll marry, how many kids we’d like to have, where we’ll live and how we’ll spend our time. Infertility is an unwelcome disruption to the picture of our life and this sudden wrench can really make us feel as though we’ve lost control over our future. Combine that with fear that we won’t get the child or children we long for and we can quickly feel completely overwhelmed. Often we’ll tell ourselves we shouldn’t dwell in these feelings. After all, life isn’t fair. Please allow me to grant you permission to stomp your feet, scream into the abyss, or cry your eyes out at the unfairness of it all. Losing our picture to something beyond our control is infuriating and taking time to grieve this loss is perfectly fair.

Maybe you had a picture in your mind:
• When you’d have kids
• How many you’d have
• What it would feel like
• What your family would look like

Infertility bulldozes that picture.
And in its place, you’re left staring at uncertainty.

That grief—the loss of the dream, the plan, the timeline—can feel overwhelming. You may wonder if it’s “dramatic” to feel this way. It’s not.

You’re allowed to feel angry.
You’re allowed to mourn what should’ve been.
You’re allowed to scream into the void, cry in the shower, or just sit with the heaviness of it all.

This kind of grief is real too.

What Helps (Even a Little)

I wish I could give you one perfect coping skill to make the grief disappear. But healing doesn’t work that way. Instead, here are a few things that might help—not to “fix” the grief, but to support you while you’re holding it:

• Name what you’re feeling. “I feel angry. I feel lost. I feel broken.” Naming the emotion can take away some of its power.

• Give yourself a break. Literally and emotionally. Step away from social media. Say no to baby showers. Turn off the tracking app. Rest.

• Talk to someone who won’t rush you to be okay. A therapist. A support group. A friend who will just sit with you in the mess.

• Write a letter to the version of life you thought you’d have. Honor it. Say goodbye. It may bring some unexpected peace.

• Create a ritual to mark a loss. Light a candle. Plant something. Give it a name. Loss deserves remembrance.

• Allow space for joy and grief to co-exist. You can laugh at a meme and sob over a negative test in the same hour. That’s okay.

There’s no one right way to grieve. It comes in waves. It can knock the wind out of you. Then recede. Then surprise you again. But every tear, every deep breath, every day you keep going—you are doing the work of healing.

Even when it hurts, even when it feels endless—
You’re still doing great.
And you are not alone.

If you’re reading this right now you are likely a member of the club. The infertility club. You didn’t sign up, but you’ve certainly paid dues. You hate it here and you desperately wish you could get out. You also might wish the people closest to you really understood what it feels like to be here. Tests, timing, wishing, waiting. It’s too much. If you’re in the club here are some things I want you to know. It’s ok…

• To cry into your coffee
• To politely decline an invitation to a baby shower
• To feel hope, then rage, then hope, then rage
• To buy yourself flowers
• To feel both relief and anger when a test comes back normal
• To want to take a break from trying
• To feel overwhelming confusion about your options
• To feel jealous
• To choose a different path toward parenthood
• To choose to try the path you’re already on one more time
• To try all the lucky rituals associated with fertility
• To laugh
• To rest
• To advocate for yourself
• To ask your doctor all your questions
• To ask for help
• To tell your friends, family, etc. that you just can’t talk about it right now
• To tell your friends, family, etc. that you need them to just listen
• To hate the phrase “everything happens for a reason”
• To feel like you and your partner are having distinctly different experiences
• To want out of the club

And also—here are a few things you can do that might help right now:

Get clear on what you need today—not forever, just today.
Some days it’s information. Some days it’s a nap. Let your needs shift.

Find a therapist or support group who gets it.
Not just any therapist. Not just any friend. Someone trained in reproductive mental health or who has lived experience.

Make a plan for one decision at a time.
Infertility is decision fatigue layered on grief. Choose to make just one choice at a time. That’s enough.

Create a “script” for hard conversations.
Whether it’s “We’re taking a break, thanks for asking,” or “We’re still figuring things out,” you don’t owe details to anyone.

Keep a fertility journal.
Not just for tracking cycles—but for tracking your feelings, questions, patterns, and progress. Let it be your space to unload.

Check in with your partner using prompts.
Try: “What’s been hardest for you lately?” or “What’s one thing I’ve done that’s helped?” You’re on the same team, even if it feels distant sometimes.

Say no.
No to events. No to advice. No to anyone who makes you feel like this is your fault.

Say yes.
Yes to tiny joys. Yes to distractions. Yes to anything that gives your body and mind even a moment of peace.

You don’t have to do it all.
You don’t have to be strong every second.
You don’t have to pretend this is okay.

You are allowed to want more, grieve what you’ve lost, and still hope for what’s ahead.

We see you. We honor your fight. We’re holding space for you this week—and always.

From Chaos to Connection: A 12-Week Roadmap for Families in Crisis

When your family is in crisis, every day can feel like an uphill battle. You might be dealing with emotional outbursts, sleepless nights, or constant tension that leaves everyone on edge. It’s exhausting, isolating, and overwhelming. You know something needs to change, but where do you even start? That’s where our Families in Crisis 12-Week Online curriculum comes in. This program was designed specifically for families like yours—families navigating challenges with their children and teens, searching for support, structure, and a way forward.

Unlike one-size-fits-all parenting advice, this self-guided course offers practical, research-backed strategies tailored to real-life family struggles. We break it down into manageable steps, giving you clear guidance on crisis prevention, emotional regulation, communication, and more—without requiring extra appointments or added stress. This isn’t about making parents feel like they need to “fix” everything overnight. It’s about equipping you with tools to create lasting, positive change in your home, one step at a time.

Why This Is So Important for Families

When a family is in crisis, it can feel like everything is falling apart. Kids may struggle with emotional regulation, parents may feel helpless or burnt out, and the home environment can become a place of tension rather than comfort. The ripple effect is profound—stress in the home impacts a child’s ability to succeed in school, maintain friendships, and develop self-confidence. Parents, in turn, may experience guilt, frustration, or exhaustion, unsure of how to best support their child while also managing their own emotional needs.

Our Families in Crisis is designed to break this cycle and restore a sense of stability. Each week focuses on a different essential skill set—starting with crisis prevention and safety planning, so you can regain control of difficult moments before they escalate. We also cover understanding diagnoses and seeking support, ensuring that parents have the knowledge and confidence to navigate the complex world of mental health, therapy, and education.

As families move through the materials, they’ll gain insight into building resilience, strengthening attachment, and fostering a growth mindset—all critical factors in helping kids and teens thrive, even in the face of adversity. We also emphasize caregiver self-care, because you can’t pour from an empty cup. Parents need space to refuel and recalibrate so they can show up as the strong, supportive presence their children need.

The Power of Small, Consistent Steps

The beauty of this support is that it provides real, actionable solutions in small, manageable doses. Too often, families in crisis feel like they have to figure everything out at once, leading to paralysis, frustration, and burnout. Instead of overwhelming you with information, we walk you through the process one week at a time—giving you just enough to focus on without adding more stress to your plate.

For example, in our Communication module, we don’t just say “talk to your child.” We give you scripts, conversation starters, and real-life strategies to improve the way you connect with your child or teen—even if they’re resistant to opening up.

Each lesson is designed to build upon the last, helping families gain confidence and create a home environment that feels safe, predictable, and supportive. And because it’s self-paced, you can move through it as quickly or as slowly as you need, revisiting sections as your family’s needs evolve.

You’re Not Alone—And There is a Way Forward

One of the biggest challenges of parenting through crisis is the sense of isolation. It can feel like no one else truly understands what you’re going through, especially when others seem to have it all together. But the truth is, many families struggle—you are not alone, and there is a path forward.

This was created with real families in mind, by professionals who understand the unique challenges of raising children with emotional, behavioral, or mental health difficulties. We’ve seen firsthand how the right tools, when implemented consistently, can completely transform family dynamics.

If you’ve been waiting for a sign that it’s time to make a change, this is it. The Families in Crisis is your step-by-step guide to bringing more peace, connection, and confidence into your home.

Don’t wait for things to get better on their own—take action today. Get instant access and start making small, powerful shifts that will change your family’s future.

👉 Click here to enroll now and take the first step toward a calmer, more connected home.

Navigating Election Season: Self-Care Tips for Managing Stress and Staying Grounded

At Step By Step Counseling, we understand that election seasons can be uniquely stressful, often bringing up feelings of anxiety, tension, and uncertainty. With nonstop news cycles and constant social media updates, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. As part of our mission to support our clients and community, we’ve gathered practical self-care strategies to help you stay centered during this time. These tips are designed to help you maintain calm, protect your mental health, and continue supporting yourself and your family.

Limit News and Social Media Exposure

Constant exposure to emotionally charged content can quickly trigger the brain’s stress response. This reaction is caused by the amygdala, a part of the brain that processes fear and threat detection. Even short, repeated news sessions can create lingering stress and anxiety. Try setting limits for yourself on news and social media. Set aside one or two specific times each day to check the news instead of allowing it to take up your entire day.

Tip: Use deep breathing while reading the news to help your brain stay calm and grounded, even if you’re engaging with difficult topics.

Stick to Your Daily Routine

Maintaining a healthy, consistent routine is one of the best ways to protect your mental health during chaotic times. Our brains are naturally wired to feel more secure with patterns, which signal predictability and safety. Routines also help keep your brain’s decision-making center, the prefrontal cortex, active and engaged, which can make it easier to manage the unexpected.

Try This: Focus on small, simple rituals like a morning stretch, a daily walk, or an evening wind-down routine. These small moments of structure add calm to your day and reinforce a positive, balanced mindset.

Focus on What You Can Control

Election seasons can bring up a lot of uncertainty, but focusing on what’s within your control can help alleviate that sense of powerlessness. Choose one or two areas where you feel empowered to make a positive difference. Whether it’s working on a personal project, spending quality time with loved ones, or engaging in self-care, centering on these areas reminds your brain that you are still in charge of many aspects of your life.

Tip: Make a list of things within your control each morning. The act of listing out these manageable items gives your brain a quick “boost” by focusing on small, achievable goals.

Step Outside for a Brain Reset

Spending time outdoors, even just for a few minutes, can have a profound impact on your mood. Physical activity and fresh air help lower cortisol, the primary stress hormone, and increase dopamine and endorphins—chemicals that boost mood and well-being. Moving outdoors, even briefly, can help reset your brain, making it easier to approach the rest of the day with calm and focus.

Try This: Spend at least 10 minutes outside each day, combining your outdoor time with a grounding exercise like noticing what you see and hear. This practice redirects your brain from stressors and brings attention back to the present moment.

Lean on Your Support Network

Human connection is a powerful antidote to stress. Positive interactions with family, friends, and colleagues activate oxytocin pathways in the brain, creating feelings of calm and belonging. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network during this time—just as you might encourage a loved one to reach out when stressed. A quick check-in with someone who cares can make a big difference in how you feel.

Tip: Plan a call or coffee date with a friend or loved one. Regular connection, even in small doses, reinforces your support network and strengthens your mental health.

Stay Grounded for Your Family

If you’re a parent, remember that your children often look to you as their anchor. Modeling self-care and calm responses during this season can help them feel safe and supported, even if they’re feeling stress themselves. By maintaining calm and focusing on your own well-being, you help create a stable environment for your family.

A Word of Encouragement

Election season may be turbulent, but these feelings of uncertainty will pass. Staying calm and grounded not only supports your mental health but also builds resilience that you can draw on in future challenges. Remember, self-compassion plays a significant role in managing stress. Try to speak to yourself as you would a friend—with patience and kindness—and take it one day at a time.

If you need extra support, Step By Step Counseling is here for you. We offer evidence-based counseling for adults, children, and families to help you build resilience and stay grounded during life’s more challenging seasons. Reach out to us to schedule an intake session if you need the extra support. We’re here to help you through this, every step of the way.

Life is full of storms—unexpected challenges, overwhelming obstacles, and difficult periods that test our resolve. When it comes to handling life’s inevitable storms, our approach can make all the difference. How we handle these storms can significantly impact our well-being and our ability to overcome adversity. To understand how our approach can shape our experiences, let’s delve into the metaphor of two animals facing a storm: the buffalo and the cattle.    Imagine two different animals faced with a storm: the buffalo and the cattle. Each animal has a distinct strategy for dealing with the tempest, and their behaviors offer us valuable lessons about how we handle challenges in our own lives.

The Buffalo’s Bold Approach

Imagine the buffalo, a majestic and powerful animal, as it encounters a storm. Buffaloes are not just resilient creatures; they are strategic in their approach to storms. Instead of fleeing or trying to evade the storm, buffaloes charge directly into it. This might seem like an aggressive or risky move, but it’s actually a strategic one. This might seem counterintuitive, but by heading directly into the storm, they reduce the amount of time they spend within it. They face the challenge head-on, navigating through it with determination and efficiency. The buffalo’s strategy represents a proactive approach to difficulties. By confronting issues directly, we can often move through them more quickly and with greater ease.

Why This Strategy Works:  By heading straight into the storm, buffaloes reduce the amount of time they spend exposed to its harsh conditions. They move through the storm quickly and efficiently.  Charging into the storm allows buffaloes to maintain control over their path and direction. They’re not merely reacting to the storm’s changes; they are actively navigating through it. Buffaloes often travel in herds, supporting each other through tough conditions. Their collective strength and shared determination help them face challenges more effectively.   This approach teaches us the value of tackling problems head-on. When we confront difficulties directly, we can address them more swiftly and with greater focus. By doing so, we often find that our resilience grows stronger, and our ability to manage adversity improves.

The Cattle’s Cautious Retreat

In contrast, cattle tend to run away from storms. When faced with a storm, cattle tend to run away from it, seeking shelter or trying to escape its impact. They attempt to escape, but this often leads to them remaining in the storm for a longer period. While they try to avoid the storm, their avoidance only prolongs their exposure to the elements. This approach symbolizes a more passive stance towards challenges—delaying action and hoping that the problem will resolve itself without direct confrontation. Unfortunately, this often results in extended periods of discomfort and unresolved issues.

Why This Strategy Falls Short:  By running away, cattle may end up staying within the storm’s path longer than necessary. Their avoidance strategy can prolong their discomfort and suffering. Instead of controlling their response to the storm, cattle are reacting to its changes. This can lead to unpredictable and disorganized efforts to find safety. Unlike buffaloes, cattle may not have the same level of collective support when facing a storm. This can make their strategy less effective, as they might struggle with the storm’s challenges alone.  The cattle’s approach highlights the limitations of avoidance and procrastination. When we try to escape from challenges or delay confronting them, we often find ourselves in prolonged periods of difficulty. Our reluctance to face problems head-on can lead to extended stress and unresolved issues.

Applying the Metaphor to Your Life

The buffalo and cattle metaphor can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and personal growth. When faced with challenges—whether they are personal, professional, or emotional—consider which approach you are taking. Are you tackling problems head-on like the buffalo, or are you avoiding them like the cattle?

Here’s how you can embrace the buffalo’s approach:

• Face Challenges Directly: Like the buffalo, approach problems with a proactive mindset. Identify the issues you’re facing and take decisive actions to address them. Avoiding or delaying action can often make situations worse.

• Develop a Plan: Prepare a clear plan for how you will tackle your challenges. This plan should include specific steps and strategies to move through the difficulties effectively.

• Seek Support: Leverage the support of others, much like buffaloes in a herd. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or colleagues who can offer guidance and encouragement.

• Maintain Control: Take charge of your response to challenges. Instead of letting problems dictate your actions, steer your course with confidence and determination.

Now, take a moment to reflect on your own approach to challenges. Are you more like the buffalo or the cattle? If you find that you’re often avoiding issues, consider how you might shift your strategy. Start by choosing one small challenge to confront head-on. By taking proactive steps, you’ll find that navigating life’s storms can become a bit less daunting and a lot more manageable.

Are you ready to embrace the buffalo’s approach?

Our office spent 2023 building our SPARK program.  We are excited about our program, because through a structured, short-term program that offers a higher frequency of attendance than traditional counseling formats the SPARK program is designed to provide additional support to families who have a child that requires more than one 45-50 minute counseling session per week.  The intensive nature allows for a more rapid and focused approach.  This program was born out the current landscape of mental health in our local community. 

Kids need more. 

Families need more. 

In recent times, there has been a growing awareness of the importance of child mental health. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, it has become evident that ensuring the well-being of our children goes beyond physical health—it extends to their mental and emotional states. In response to this recognition, intensive outpatient services for child mental health has taken center stage. These services play a crucial role in addressing the complex issues that our children may face in their emotional and psychological development. 

Our SPARK program is meeting a need in our community.

UNDERSTANDING THE NEED

Rising Mental Health Concerns:

Recent years have seen a surge in awareness surrounding the prevalence of mental health issues in children. Countless surveys and research results show numbers that paint a stark picture—a significant portion of our young population grapples with various mental health concerns. From the subtle nuances of anxiety to the profound impacts of depression, these challenges cast shadows over the carefree days of youth.

The statistics serve as a compass, guiding us through the landscape of a new reality—one where acknowledging and addressing mental health in children is not just a choice but a responsibility. The prevalence of these issues calls for a concerted effort to provide the support and care necessary for every child to thrive.

Benefits of Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOPs):

In the quest to meet the rising demand for comprehensive child mental health services, Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOPs) emerge as beacons of hope. These programs, designed with a meticulous blend of expertise and client involvement, offer a range of advantages 0.that set them apart.

Flexible Scheduling:
Our SPARK program is scheduled in the afternoons. This allows kids to attend most of their school day, programming, and be home in time for dinner together as a family. 

Supportive Environment:
The supportive atmosphere also extends to parents, offering them guidance and resources to better understand and support their child’s journey. Our clinical team strives to be supportive and not engage in toxic or “gaslighting” behaviors.  We want our families to  receive positive messages and strategies, not contribute to the isolation and guilt that might accompany raising a child with a mental health diagnosis. Our program strives to empower parents with knowledge and skills. 

Involvement in Goal Setting:
IOPs involve parents in the goal-setting process. The shared goals become a roadmap that both professionals and parents work towards.

Regular Communication Channels:
We prioritize open and regular communication with parents. Updates on progress, insights from sessions, and strategies for ongoing support are shared transparently through daily feedback and through our dashboard. 

As we navigate the landscape of child mental health, the benefits of IOPs become clear—they not only address the rising concerns but do so with a commitment to tailored, compassionate care that recognizes the uniqueness of every child. In the unfolding chapters of our journey, IOPs emerge as powerful allies, dedicated to illuminating the path towards resilient and flourishing young minds.

COLLABORATION WITH PARENTS, CAREGIVERS & GUARDIANS

In the realm of Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOPs), the melody of success is composed not by a single instrument but by a symphony of collaboration. The importance of a collaborative approach echoes through the corridors of child mental health, recognizing that the harmonious interplay between parents, caregivers, and mental health professionals is key to orchestrating a masterpiece of well-being.

Emphasizing the Importance of a Collaborative Approach in IOPs:

IOPs stand as bastions of comprehensive care, and at the heart of this approach is a commitment to collaboration. The recognition that the well-being of a child is a collective responsibility underscores the importance of bringing all stakeholders to the table. It’s not merely a meeting of minds; it’s a convergence of expertise and shared dedication to a common goal—the flourishing of the child.

In IOPs, collaboration is not a buzzword; it’s a guiding principle. The professionals within these programs serve as navigators, drawing upon their expertise in child development, neuroscience, and mental health. However, they acknowledge that parents and caregivers are the true experts on their child. This recognition creates a dynamic partnership where information flows freely, ideas are shared openly, and decisions are made collectively.

How Parents, Caregivers, and Mental Health Professionals Work Together:

Picture a vibrant tapestry where every thread represents a crucial aspect of a child’s life. In IOPs, parents, caregivers, educators and mental health professionals intricately weave this tapestry together, ensuring that no thread is overlooked, and every color contributes to the beauty of the whole.

• Shared Information and Insights: Parents and caregivers bring a wealth of insights into a child’s unique personality, quirks, and preferences. Mental health professionals, armed with scientific knowledge and clinical expertise, merge these insights with their own observations to create a comprehensive understanding of the child’s needs.

• Collaborative Goal Setting: Together, these stakeholders set goals for the child’s well-being. These goals are not imposed but are rather crafted through a dialogue that considers the aspirations of the family and the expertise of the professionals.

• Consistent Communication: Communication is the lifeblood of collaboration. Regular and transparent communication channels are established to ensure that everyone involved is on the same page. This includes sharing progress, addressing concerns, and celebrating achievements.

• Skill Transfer and Support: Parents and caregivers are not passive observers but active participants in the child’s journey. They are equipped with the knowledge and skills needed to support the child beyond the structured sessions of the IOP. It’s a transfer of skills that empowers families to navigate the challenges of everyday life.

• Crisis Management and Prevention: In the event of crises, collaboration becomes even more critical. Professionals work hand-in-hand with parents and caregivers to navigate challenges, providing support, guidance, and resources to ensure the child’s safety and well-being.

In this collaborative symphony, each contributor plays a vital role, and the result is a harmonious composition where the well-being of the child takes center stage. It’s a shared journey that goes beyond the boundaries of professional-client relationships; it’s a partnership built on trust, respect, and a shared commitment to the child’s flourishing. As we embrace this collaborative spirit, the impact extends far beyond the confines of IOP sessions, resonating in the everyday lives of the child and their support network.

“I’m worried about my child falling behind in school. Are there underlying mental health issues affecting their academic performance?

“I’m frustrated that we’re not seeing the progress in therapy that we had hoped for?”

“Why is my child behaving this way?”

Do these sound familiar? 

Yes?  So what now?

Momentum. 

What?   

A boost forward.  Momentum is the inertia in motion, a force that keeps an object in motion. We see that momentum is a powerful tool in therapy. 

In our office, our SPARK program provides momentum in your child mental health well-being. For those who feel overwhelmed, stuck or unsure of next steps, we encourage you to look into our SPARK program.  The extended session times allows for deeper therapeutic work and powerful transformation! Our program is designed to provide our child clients with a more immersive and concentrated therapeutic experience, to fuel the momentum. 

What is the significance of momentum in mental health? Momentum contributes to a more positive outlook and positive feedback loop. It might be a long time since families experienced a sense of calmness, understanding and hope.  Families facing overwhelming challenges can feel a sense of hope and optimism when you witness the positive effects of treatment and the gradual improvement in your situation. 

Benefits of creating momentum: 

• Motivation and Engagement: Momentum provides you, your child, and your family with the motivation to actively engage in the treatment process. When you see progress and positive changes, it reinforces your commitment to improving the situation your family is in. No one wants to be stuck in the muck of feeling disengaged. 
• Sense of Control: Overwhelmed families often feel a lack of control. Momentum in mental health treatment empowers you, your child, and your family by instilling a sense of control over your circumstances.  Achieving small milestones can be empowering and help you regain a sense of agency. Who doesn’t like a little boost each week?
• Incremental Progress: Treatment momentum is built on incremental progress. Breaking down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps allows you, your child, and your family to witness tangible improvements, making the overall journey more manageable. 
• Reinforcement of Coping Skills: As you, your child, and your family experience success in treatment, you reinforce and build upon the coping skills you are learning. This not only addresses immediate challenges but equips you with tools for future resilience. Thease coping skills will allow your family to step down to weekly 1:1 therapy in a healthier space. 
• Improved Communication with Professionals:As you, your child, and your family experience positive momentum, communication with treatment professionals tends to improve. Open and effective communication is crucial for tailoring interventions to your family’s evolving needs. We start the process with our dashboard and Friday calls, but this can be continued by after exiting the program, you can build your own communication rhythm. 

Ultimately, creating momentum in treatment contributes to the overall well-being of your family. It improves your child’s quality of daily life, helps your child overcome obstacles, and supports their journey toward positive and lasting change.

Okay, so, you’re on board with knowing you need that momentum in your family? Your next question might be, how will our SPARK program help support your family in creating this boost, this momentum forward?

Let’s break it down:

Engagement: When the SPARK program begins with energy and forward movement, it captures your child’s interest and encourages active participation. Our child therapists are experts at creating an environment that engages children through play, a natural and enjoyable medium for them. This engagement isn’t just about having fun; it’s a powerful force that motivates your child and encourages their active involvement in the therapeutic process.

Faster Progress: Our child-centric approach within the SPARK program is designed to accelerate progress. Child therapists within our program are skilled at adapting interventions to your child’s unique needs. This adaptability facilitates your child’s ability to express themselves in their own developmental space, making progress at a pace that suits them best.

Communication: One significant piece of the puzzle is communication. In the SPARK program, effective communication is at the core of what we do. Child therapists work with your child to help them express their thoughts and feelings in a way that feels comfortable to them. This not only enhances their ability to communicate within the therapeutic setting but also provides them with valuable skills for expressing themselves in various aspects of their life.

The SPARK program is designed to ignite and sustain momentum in your family’s therapeutic journey. From engaging activities and faster progress to effective communication and a positive atmosphere, our child therapists are here to support your child and family every step of the way. Overall we see enhanced morale, countinous improvement, positive feedback loop, Ultimately, creating momentum in SPARK enhances its overall impact and outcomes. The positive energy generated by momentum translates into tangible results. 

In the dance of progress,every step sparks momentum for brighter tomorrows.

A story about the power of momentum, in the healing process. (The details presented here are fictional, crafted solely for illustrative purposes) 

The Thompson family, consisting of parents Mark and Sarah, and their 8-year-old son Alex, found themselves in the midst of a crisis. Alex, a bright and energetic child, began exhibiting signs of increased anxiety and difficulty coping with his big emotions. Mark and Sarah, both working professionals, were concerned as Alex’s behavior impacted his school performance and family relationships. It was getting harder and harder to balance his needs and their work schedules due to his meltdowns. The school meetings, daily phone calls home, getting kicked out of before/after school care were getting to be too much. 

The Crisis: Alex’s anxiety manifested as school refusal, tearful outbursts, and withdrawal from social activities with his peers. The family was navigating the challenges of understanding and addressing Alex’s emotional struggles while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy in their daily lives. They needed support and guidance to help Alex thrive emotionally and academically. They had been working with a family therapist for 6 months and haven’t been making progress. While he was hurting himself during his meltdowns, he did not meet the critera for admission at local hosptial in-patient programs.  

Enter the SPARK Program: Upon discovering the SPARK program, Mark and Sarah were intrigued by the various components. They appreciated that the program recognized the balance of supporting the child, but also the importance of family dynamics.  Every piece of the program was intentional.  One small part in particular, they loved that the program had a hard stop at 5pm, so that they could enjoy dinner together.  

Alex began the program with a comprehensive psychosocial assessment, rating scales to determine a baseline, and a treatment plan tailored to his individual needs and family dynamics. The family also appreciated that during this time, they also developed a crisis plan for both home & school.  SPARK provided child sessions as well as support for parents and caregivers. Alex noticed right away that it was different than seeing his 1:1 counselor.  By the end of the first week, he was asking to attend every day, and was disappointed when the program did not run 7 days a week! 

The Journey of Healing: As the Thompsons progressed through the SPARK program, they experienced significant positive changes. Alex learned coping strategies to manage his anxiety, and the family gained a deeper understanding of how to support him. The therapists also consulted and worked collaboratively with the school, providing resources and guidance to create a supportive environment.  The Thompsons appreciated that the SPARK therapists communicated with Alex’s 1:1 therapist, and ensured she had access to his progress each week.  

SPARK sessions became a space for growth. The SPARK program not only addressed Alex’s immediate challenges but also equipped the Thompsons with tools to navigate future obstacles. The inclusion of neuroscience-based interventions helped demystify the reasons behind Alex’s struggles, empowering the family with knowledge.

Transformation and Empowerment: Over time, Alex’s confidence grew, and he began to express his needs in healtheir ways, and there were less outbursts at home Thompsons noticed improvements in his school attendance, academic performance, and overall emotional well-being. They became advocates for the SPARK program, sharing their journey with other families in similar situations.

The SPARK program, with its comprehensive approach, played a pivotal role in the Thompson family’s journey from crisis to healing. It not only addressed the immediate concerns but also provided the family with the knowledge and support needed to build a resilient and thriving future.They credit the momentum to their longer term success.  

The Culture of Drinking In many social settings, the presence of alcohol is prevalent, becoming deeply ingrained in our traditions, celebrations, and day-to-day interactions. Alcohol is often linked with socializing and is, at times, considered a social lubricant. Whether it’s a gathering of friends, a celebration, or a casual meetup, the expectation to partake in alcohol consumption can be significant. Understanding this cultural backdrop is crucial for our mental health clients as they navigate a world where the act of drinking is woven into the fabric of social connection. 

However, within this cultural tapestry, it’s imperative for you to grasp a fundamental truth: YOU possess the autonomy to make choices that align with your own well-being. While the culture of drinking may exert pressure to conform, recognizing your own ability in making decisions about alcohol is empowering. Making choices in alignment with your own personal values and health goals is not only valid but commendable.  

Embracing Sobriety Opting not to consume alcohol is a meaningful and empowering choice that holds both validity and strength. Sobriety, the journey of abstaining from alcohol, is a path that you may choose for a multitude of reasons, each rooted in YOUR personal values and well-being.

For my adolescent and adult clients, one compelling motivation for embracing sobriety is the consideration of mental health. Many individuals recognize that alcohol can have significant effects on the brain, and for those grappling with mental health concerns, choosing sobriety becomes a proactive and positive step. Research in neuroscience has illuminated the impact of alcohol on the intricate workings of the brain and has indicated that it can exacerbate existing mental health challenges.

Saying ‘No’ with Confidence Declining a drink, especially in social settings where alcohol is the norm, can indeed pose a challenge.  Confidence stems from knowledge, and in this case, understanding why you are saying no. Armed with this knowledge, you can make informed choices.  Assertiveness is not about confrontation but about expressing one’s choices with clarity and self-assurance. By articulating your decision to abstain from alcohol, you can emphasize the importance of self-care. In social situations, where the pressure to conform may be present, effective communication becomes a key aspect of navigating the interaction. Expressing gratitude for the offer while firmly stating one’s decision, perhaps with a simple “No, thank you,” accompanied by a confident smile, reinforces the message without alienating others.

Let’s use the approaching holidays as an opportunity to encourage a culture of empowerment. In this season of celebration, individuals should feel confident in their choices, knowing that the decisions they make contribute to their overall well-being. It’s a time to foster an environment where everyone is respected for the unique paths they choose to follow, whether it involves partaking in festive toasts or embracing sobriety.

As we navigate the holiday festivities, let’s celebrate the diversity within our mental health community. Whether someone chooses to raise a glass or prefers a non-alcoholic alternative, the common thread should be one of understanding, acceptance, and support. This season, let’s champion a culture where empowerment and respect resonate, creating a welcoming space for individuals to navigate the holidays with confidence and a sense of well-being.