This weekend began the way so many youth sports weekends do.  Children & Families were celebrating a winning soccer season. Teams from across the metro area had just won their divisions. What was supposed to happen was medals were being placed around proud young athletes’ necks, parents were taking photos, cheering from the sidelines, and making memories watching the game.

Then, in an instant, everything changed.

A shooting near the entrance of the St. Louis CITY2 match turned what should have been a joyful, family-friendly celebration into a frightening experience. Instead of talking about goals scored and medals earned on the drive home, many families were helping their children make sense of fear, confusion, and uncertainty.  For some children, this may have been the first time they truly believed, “I’m not safe.”

When a child experiences that level of fear, the brain doesn’t simply “move on” once the danger has passed. The nervous system may continue responding as though the threat is still present, even after everyone has made it home safely.

Understanding these reactions can help parents recognize what is normal, know when to seek additional support, and help their child begin to heal.

When something frightening happens, the brain’s first priority is survival, not learning or remembering details.  The brain’s alarm system, the amygdala, quickly detects danger and activates the body’s fight, flight, or freeze response. Stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol prepare the body to react.

During this time, children may not think clearly. They may not remember events in order. Some children remember every detail, while others have large gaps in their memory. Both are common responses after frightening events.

Even after the danger has passed, the nervous system may continue acting as though danger is still present.  That is why children sometimes continue reacting long after everyone is physically safe.

Every child responds differently. Some children appear completely fine at first, while others show signs of distress immediately.  You might notice:

• Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
• Nightmares
• Wanting to sleep with parents
• Increased clinginess
• Fear of leaving home
• Worry about going to soccer games, sporting events, concerts, or crowded places
• Irritability or anger
• Crying more easily
• Headaches or stomachaches with no medical cause
• Being easily startled by loud noises
• Replaying the event during play
• Asking the same questions repeatedly
• Difficulty concentrating
• Changes in appetite

Many of these reactions are normal in the days following a frightening event.

Children do not need parents to have all the answers.  They need calm, predictable adults who help them feel safe again.

Some ways to help include:

• Let your child talk if they want to, but don’t force the conversation.
• Answer questions honestly using age-appropriate language.
• Correct misinformation if they heard rumors from friends or social media.
• Limit repeated exposure to news coverage and videos of the event.
• Return to familiar routines as much as possible.
• Spend extra time together through play, reading, walks, or family meals.
• Remind your child that they are safe now.
• Help them notice what their body is feeling rather than telling them to “just calm down.”
• Model your own coping skills.

Sometimes children process scary experiences through drawing, pretend play, movement, or storytelling rather than talking.  That is completely developmentally appropriate.

Most children gradually recover with support from caring adults.  However, it may be helpful to seek professional support if symptoms:

• Continue longer than a few weeks without improving
• Become worse over time
• Prevent your child from returning to normal activities
• Cause significant sleep disruption
• Lead to panic attacks
• Cause your child to avoid leaving home or participating in activities they previously enjoyed
• Result in aggressive behavior or emotional outbursts that are difficult to manage
• Include persistent feelings of hopelessness or thoughts of wanting to die

Early intervention can often prevent short-term stress from becoming a longer-term trauma response.

Many people associate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) with older traumatic memories, but it can also be very effective after recent traumatic events.  Following a frightening experience, the brain sometimes has difficulty filing the memory away as something that is over.

Instead, parts of the memory remain “stuck,” causing the nervous system to react as though the danger is still happening. EMDR helps the brain process these memories so they become part of the past instead of continuing to feel like the present. 

For children, EMDR often includes:

• Play
• Drawing
• Storytelling
• Movement

Treatment does not erase the memory.  Instead, it helps reduce the emotional intensity attached to it, allowing children to remember what happened without their body reacting as though it is happening all over again.  Research has found EMDR to be an effective treatment for children and adolescents experiencing symptoms related to trauma. 

If your family was present, your reactions matter.   Even if no one in your family was physically injured, experiencing a sudden threat to safety can affect both children and adults.   Healing often begins with feeling safe again, feeling connected to supportive people, and giving the brain time to process what happened.

If you notice you or your child continuing to struggle, know that help is available, and early support can make a meaningful difference. We have EMDR trained clinicians at the office who can support you and your family or we can try to help you find an EMDR therapist that would be a good fit.