That sentence is hard to read.

As parents, we spend so much time worrying about things like grades, friendships, sports, social media, or whether our kids are making good choices. Most of us never imagine suicide becoming part of the conversation in our own home.

But according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 34.

That means this isn’t someone else’s issue. It affects families in every community, every school district, every neighborhood, and every type of family.

The good news?

Talking about suicide, recognizing the warning signs, and getting help early can make a tremendous difference.

We hear this from parents all the time.

“I think they would tell me if they were struggling.”

Sometimes they do.  Many times they don’t.

Children and teens often stay quiet because they don’t want to worry their parents. Some feel ashamed. Some worry they’ll get in trouble. Others can’t find the words to explain what they’re feeling.

That’s why we encourage parents to pay attention to changes, not just words.

You know your child better than anyone.

If something feels different, trust that instinct and lean in.

Every child shows stress differently. Some become quiet. Others become angry. Some keep smiling while they’re struggling inside.

A few things that deserve your attention include:

• Pulling away from friends or family.
• Losing interest in activities they used to enjoy.
• Sleeping much more or much less.
• Talking about feeling hopeless or trapped.
• Saying things like, “Nobody would care if I wasn’t here.”
• Giving away favorite possessions.
• Sudden changes in mood or personality.
• Self-harm or talking about hurting themselves.
• Looking online for information about death or suicide.
• A noticeable drop in school performance or motivation.

One sign doesn’t automatically mean your child is suicidal.

Several changes together, or a sudden shift in who your child usually is, deserve a conversation.

One of the hardest parts of our job is hearing parents say,   “I thought they were just being dramatic.”

Or,   “I didn’t think they meant it.”

If your child ever tells you they’re hurting, believe them.  Children and teens don’t always know how to explain emotional pain. Sometimes they test the waters with comments that sound casual.

“I just want everything to stop.”

“I wish I could disappear.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Those statements deserve your attention. Every.   Single.   Time.

You don’t have to know whether your child “really means it.”   If you aren’t sure whether it’s serious enough to ask, ask anyway.  You just need to be willing to slow down and start the conversation.

If your gut tells you something isn’t right, listen to it.   We would much rather have a difficult conversation that turns out to be unnecessary than miss the opportunity to help a child who needed someone to notice.

None of us can prevent every tragedy. But every one of us can become a safe adult who notices, asks, listens, and acts.

Many parents worry that asking about suicide will somehow give their child the idea.  Research has shown that it doesn’t.

Asking creates an opportunity for a child to tell someone they’ve been carrying something too heavy by themselves.  You don’t need perfect words.

Try something simple.

“You’ve seemed really overwhelmed lately. I wanted to check in.”

“Sometimes when kids feel this overwhelmed, they have thoughts about hurting themselves. Has that happened for you?”

“I’m really glad you’re talking to me. We’ll figure this out together.”

Your child doesn’t need you to fix everything in that moment. They need to know they don’t have to carry it alone.

We spend a lot of time teaching kids what to do if there’s a fire, a tornado, or someone knocks on the front door.   Mental health deserves those same conversations.

Talk with your children about:

• Big emotions.
• Healthy coping skills.
• How to ask for help.
• Who their trusted adults are.
• Mental health being just as important as physical health.

These conversations don’t have to be long. They just have to happen.

If you’re looking for ideas to make these conversations easier, our Parent Hub  include conversation starters, and practical tools that help families build emotional awareness and communication together.

If a friend says they’re thinking about suicide…

If a friend is hurting themselves…

If a friend says, “Don’t tell anyone.”

Tell an adult.  Immediately.

Many kids think they’re being a good friend by keeping a secret.

They’re not.

A good friend helps keep someone alive.

Let your children know they will never be in trouble for speaking up when someone’s safety is at risk.

If you’re worried about your child, don’t wait until things get worse.

Reach out.  Talk to someone.  Ask questions.

At Step By Step Counseling, we believe families deserve options. We offer:

• Individual counseling for children, teens, adults, and families.  We have providers that accept Medicaid.  We have sliding scale options. 
• Affordable, low cost counseling with supervised graduate interns.
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) support  (research supports DBT with self harm and suicidal ideation) through both individual counseling and DBT Skills Groups (Tween/Young Teen, Teen, Adult). 
• An Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) for children who need more support than weekly therapy. We now have a child track and a tween/young teen track.
• Caregiver resources through Parent Hub that help caregivers understand children’s emotions, behaviors, and mental health.

Our community also has wonderful partners. Organizations like Compass Health, Megan Meir Foundation, Youth in Need and Chaads, to provide mental health services for children, adolescents, and families.

The most important thing is this: Your family doesn’t have to figure it out alone.

If you believe your child is in immediate danger…

Stay with them.  Remove access to medications, firearms, or anything they could use to harm themselves if you can do so safely.

You can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Trained counselors are available 24 hours a day to help you decide what to do next.  Sometimes they talk over the phone, sometimes they can provide a virtual face-to-face, and sometimes they can send out a crisis team.

In Saint Charles County (open to anyone!!)  we also have a Youth Behavioral Health Urgent Care center  are available when immediate assessment is needed.  They can assess, to see if they can create a safety plan or they can help coordinate inpatient if that is needed.  This is free, no cost, walk-in and get immediate support!

You can also go to your nearest emergency room.