When we think of childhood memories, many of us picture grandparents at the center, sharing stories at the dinner table, offering a hug after a hard day, or teaching a skill that feels timeless. Grandparents anchor children to both family history and the larger circle of life. But in today’s world, the role of “grandparent” has grown beyond biology. Many children are nurtured by neighbors, family friends, or community members who step into that role, showing that love and guidance don’t require a family tree they just require a heart.
Biological Grandparents: A Link to the Past and a Safe Haven in the Present
For many of us, grandparents were a lifeline. From the moment I learned to dial a phone, I called my paternal grandma and grandpa every single day after school. Sometimes it was a quick call before rushing to sports practice. Other times, it was my grandma updating me about cousins, or both of them patiently listening to me complain about being grounded, or sharing stories from their own childhood. I looked forward to those conversations every day. Looking back, those calls weren’t just about daily updates, they were moments of connection that reminded me I was part of a bigger story and that someone was always eager to hear my voice.
That’s the gift biological grandparents often bring: a steady presence that reassures children they are valued and loved exactly as they are.
- Family history keepers: Grandparents carry stories that link children to their ancestry and culture.
- Safe attachment figures: Children’s nervous systems regulate when they experience consistent comfort, making grandparents an invaluable “safety net.”
- Emotional anchors: Grandparents often provide unhurried time and patience, allowing children to slow down and feel deeply seen.
Community Grandparents: Love Beyond Blood
Not every child grows up with biological grandparents nearby, and some may not have them at all. That’s where community grandparents step in. These are the neighbors who remember a child’s birthday, the retired teacher who comes to watch soccer games, or the family friend who listens with genuine interest.
One of the most powerful examples I’ve seen is Miss Becky, an older staff member at our kids’ foster elementary school who became a “grandparent in spirit” to many of last few of our foster youth. She was always there at the door each morning, a steady, smiling presence greeting kids who had already carried so much before they even stepped into class. She listened when they needed to talk about rough mornings, came up with creative ways to encourage them, and celebrated their wins big and small. Miss Becky even attended birthday parties AND their adoption party and remembered the special details that made each child feel seen. For kids facing an uncertain, frightening season of life, she was…IS a beacon of light—an anchor of hope, consistency, and safety.
- Consistency is what counts: The brain doesn’t distinguish between “official” grandparents and stand-ins—what matters is reliability and warmth.
- Intergenerational wisdom: Community grandparents often pass along unique life lessons and skills that spark curiosity and confidence in children.
- Creating resilience: For children who have experienced loss, divorce, or trauma, community grandparents can provide stability and show that love comes in many forms.
The Lasting Lessons of Grandparents
My maternal grandfather—my Dziadziu—was a talented gardener. His entire backyard was a lush, vibrant garden taller than me as a child. I loved wandering the rows with him, picking vegetables and listening to his gentle reminders. One lesson has stayed with me: he told us never to be angry at animals for eating from the garden. Instead, he said, “Plant enough for you and enough for the animals.” Decades later, even without his green thumb, I still hear his voice every spring as I plant double or triple, knowing the animals will share in the harvest. Now, every child who comes into my home learns that same lesson, that generosity, patience, and acceptance matter more than control. Though my Dziadziu has been gone nearly 30 years, his influence continues to ripple outward in ways he never could have imagined.
This is the beauty of grandparents: the small lessons, the repeated rituals, the quiet wisdom that lives on in the next generation.
Why Grandparent Figures Matter for Development
- Attachment and Safety: Children’s nervous systems are wired to seek safety in connection. When they know there are multiple adults, parents, grandparents, or “bonus grandparents” who will comfort, protect, and support them, it sends a powerful signal to the brain: I am not alone. These repeated experiences build secure attachment, which becomes the foundation for trust, confidence, and healthy relationships later in life.
- The Neurobiology of Storytelling: Grandparents are often natural storytellers. When a child listens to stories about “back when I was your age,” their brain’s memory and meaning-making systems, the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex light up. These stories help children place themselves in a larger family narrative, which strengthens resilience. Children who know their family’s history feel more grounded, and more capable of handling life’s challenges, because they see themselves as part of something bigger.
- Resilience Building: Every caring adult in a child’s life acts as a buffer against stress. Kids who are surrounded by grandparents and grandparent-like figures have more places to turn when they are scared, confused, or hurting. This network of support gives them the tools to adapt, problem-solve, and recover from setbacks. In moments of difficulty, knowing that “someone else has my back” can make all the difference.
- Perspective and Play: Grandparents often interact with children at a different pace than parents do. They may linger over a game, tell longer jokes, or invite sillier kinds of play. These slower rhythms help activate the child’s parasympathetic nervous system the body’s natural “calm down” mode reducing stress hormones and deepening joy. In these moments, children learn that relationships don’t always have to be rushed; they can be playful, safe, and deeply satisfying.
Celebrating the Village
Grandparents Day is more than a holiday, it’s a reminder of the powerful role that older, caring adults play in shaping the lives of children. Some of those adults are biological grandparents, and some are community members who step into that role in beautiful, unexpected ways.
- Encourage your child to express gratitude in a simple but meaningful way…drawing a picture, writing a card, or sharing a favorite memory with a grandparent figure. These small acts of appreciation strengthen bonds and help kids practice relational kindness.
- If your family doesn’t have grandparents nearby, look for the “grand-like” people who show up consistently: the neighbor who waves each morning, the coach who checks in after practice, the teacher’s aide who never forgets a birthday. Naming and celebrating these relationships helps children understand that family can be chosen as much as inherited.
- Most importantly, remind children that love doesn’t get divided when more people are added to their circle, it multiplies. The more caring adults in a child’s life, the stronger their sense of belonging and safety becomes.
Grandparents, whether connected by DNA or chosen by love…remind us that children are raised not just by parents, but by entire villages. Today, we pause to honor every person who has poured patience, joy, and wisdom into the next generation.
Personally, to my kids’ Grandma and Babci….thank you for showing up in the everyday, ordinary moments that matter so much. From Donuts with a Grownup at school, to cheering at sports games, birthday parties, to gathering around the table for Sunday lunches, your presence has shaped memories my kids will carry forever.
The gift of showing up, week after week, year after year teaches them what love looks like in action. It’s not just about the big events, but the consistency, the laughter, the traditions, and the comfort of knowing you’ll be there. We are so grateful for the way you love, encourage, and anchor our family.
– Jennie