Self-care occurs on every level of our being. When we think of self-care, we often think about a spa day or something else that is equally “luxurious.” But self-care doesn’t’ have to be expensive, nor does it need to be time-consuming. The dimensions of self-care as it relates to everyone are physical, intellectual, social, spiritual, and emotional. In the big picture, no one dimension is more important than the other, but at any given time in our lives, we may need to focus on one or two dimensions more than we focus on the others.

The physical dimension of self-care involves, well, the care you give to your physical self. This includes fitness (health), sleep, and nutrition. Haven’t seen your doctor or dentist in a while? Well, no time like the present. Do you have a sleep routine in place? It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as taking a shower or bath to signal the beginning of your bedtime routine. Studies show that a 10-minute shower or bath 1-2 hours before bed helps you fall asleep faster and improves your sleep quality. And while we don’t always do it, we know the benefits of a healthy diet. Can’t do it every day? Start small: chose 1 day per week, or even one meal per week to be your healthy choice and go from there. You’d be surprised at the momentum that builds when you make choices that make you proud.

Intellectual self-care speaks to your personal growth and quest for knowledge; a desire to keep learning. This does not have to be learning in a “formal” setting. It can be learning a new recipe or trying a new hobby. It can mean that you spend time each day or each week practicing mindfulness activities. And it can be that you have a positive mindset. There have been many studies that show a direct link between our thoughts and our feelings. The thought “what if no one is there to help” can engender feelings of fear; “I should have…” thoughts can trigger feelings of guilt; “I can’t stand it when…” can trigger feelings of anger. Instead of focusing on the negative, allow yourself to explore alternatives: instead of “I did a horrible job with/at…” try thinking “I did my best.” Remove those “should” thoughts and work to recognize those automatic negative thoughts. And put those negative thoughts on trial; determine if they are based on facts or feelings.

Social self-care includes your support system, those people to whom you can turn for guidance; the ones that uplift you or just listen to you as you vent. These connections help to create a sense of belonging and acceptance. They enhance your quality of life and help build resilience. Healthy social connections can enhance your self-esteem and promote good mental health. Social support provides you with empathy and a sense of being cared for. Social support can be particularly import during times of stress or loneliness; it can help you feel less anxious or stressed during trying times.

The word “spiritual” often prompts thoughts of religion. If that is the case, then your spiritual self-care may involve attending religious services or studying religious texts. In other instances, spiritual self-care is the simple practice of whatever feeds your soul. It is anything that is meaningful to you and brings about a feeling of experiencing something sacred. Spiritual self-care is meant to connect you to your true self; it energizes and inspires you. Spiritual self-care allows you to engage in introspection, which can in turn lead to clarity and comfort. It quiets the mind and honors the yearnings of the heart.

Emotional self-care requires you to care for your emotional needs by being aware of your feelings and emotions. It involves listening to, acknowledging, and honoring them in a way that allows you to move forward. Emotional self-care can be setting healthy boundaries at work or with family. It can be regular meditation, whatever form that takes for you. It means that you schedule “me-time.” It’s engaging in creative activities and acknowledging that it’s okay to have imperfections. Emotional self-care requires you be kind and compassionate to yourself.

So, whatever each of these dimensions looks like to you, I’ll leave you with two reminders:

1. An empty watering can cannot water a garden.
2. Self-care isn’t selfish

Sherine Chambers, PLPC

Opening up a Dialogue Through Reading

Has your child experienced grief, trauma, or is struggling with big emotions?

For example, have they recently lost a loved one and are struggling with adjusting to the loss? Have they suffered from abuse and are not able to cope with the intense emotions it may have brought on such as anger or fear? Or maybe they have witnessed plenty of parental arguments, and are struggling with adjusting to a recent divorce.  Are you as a parent struggling with helping them express their emotions that they have been internalizing? Talking about and even understanding emotions can be extremely difficult for children, especially younger ones. Oftentimes, having a book they can relate to is a wonderful way to help them feel understood as well as helpful with opening up discussions. The book “A Terrible Thing Happened” by Margaret Holmes, is a story about a boy who had witnessed something terrible and has begun experiencing symptoms from this trauma, such as changes in behavior, nightmares, and increased anger, sadness, and anxiety. This book is a great resource for parents and children who are beginning therapy, as it explains therapy in a simple way for children to understand, as well as explains how therapy can help!

Many times, reading a book like this with your little one before entering therapy can help ease some fear in them as well as normalize the idea of attending therapy!

Alexa,
Child & Adolescent Therapist

It’s not an age-old secret that anxiety impacts the lives of children especially when it comes to school. In fact, symptoms of anxiety are extremely common in childhood and adolescence, which can negatively interfere with general well-being, social life, academic performance, and development of social skills (Mazzone et al., 2007). Today I’d like to focus on the academic piece of adolescent anxiety.

When we look at adolescent anxiety closely, we see issues with memory and cognitive functioning which could lead to poor academic performance such as bad grades, inattentiveness in class, and inability to complete assignments. School failure is more common in girls whereas boys show a more behavioral disruption in their school environment.

1. It’s hard to watch your child struggle when they should be enjoying themselves and learning new things! However, what is absolutely vital to your child and their functioning, is having conversations with them and opening a door for you to not only strengthen the bond with your child, but it will allow them to share their experiences without fear of judgment, rebuttal, or negligence. It will be tough learning new things about your child that causes them distress, but this is part of the therapeutic process, and it allows you to grow and learn with them!

For example: Let’s say your adolescent has been having consistent stomach aches, headaches, nausea, or general discomfort when they talk about school or when they attend school. Allow them to share what they are feeling because adolescents associate anxiety with physical symptoms, not so much mental as they have not developed those tools just yet depending on their age! Ask questions about how they feel, talk about when they get those feelings, and how long they have been feeling that way. They will feel heard, and you will get more information on how to support your adolescent.

2. Another important element with helping your adolescent succeed would be to do your homework, not theirs! What I mean is for you to take the reins and do your research to understand what your adolescent is going through. Anxiety is a broad horizon that is riddled different subgroups or categories that may pertain to your child.

For example: Have you ever had any difficulty with dropping your child off at school so much so that they begin to act out behaviorally (i.e., scream, cry, throw tantrums)? If this has been going on for well over 4-6 months, there may be a concern with separation anxiety. Another example would be if a child does not participate in class (i.e., not raising their hand to answer questions, difficulty speaking with other students or the teacher), they could be experiencing social anxiety.

Anxiety comes in many different forms! It’s our job as the parents to find out what struggles the adolescent has been having and consult with the teacher(s), school nurse, or guidance counselor to gain more insight.

3. If you notice your adolescent is getting exceptionally overwhelmed, allow them time to take breaks during their work. As adults, we need time to step away from our work and allow ourselves to cool off or decompress, so why shouldn’t we do the same for our children? They go to school (whether it be virtual or in-person), they are assigned homework to complete for the next day, they eat dinner, and off to bed. When do they get time to be a kid? It’s critical to add this to their daily routine so that way they are able to decompress after a long day of school. This will help alleviate some of those anxious feelings that they have.

For example: Your child is working on a math assignment, and they become upset. They may become tearful, agitated, and seem almost unable to complete their work. Their minds are elsewhere, and the side of the brain that allows them to complete these tasks is stifled or turned off because it has become swarmed with the feelings of anxiety. Commend them for the work that they have already completed and allow them to take a break to cool off before they come back to work on it.

These are just a few ways to help support your adolescent school their own anxiety. If the anxiety continues to persist, a healthy option is to have your child meet with a therapist so that they may learn the tools and techniques that they need in order to further school their anxiety. If the anxiety continues to persist after meeting with a therapist, you may also turn to consulting your pediatrician for further recommendations.

I hope this blog helps you in understanding your adolescent a little bit more, and I hope that you continue to communicate with them, cheer them on, and, most importantly, love them!

Thank you, and take care 😊

Jill M.
Graduate Counseling Intern

Sleep is something that helps us to function both physically and mentally and when we are not getting enough sleep we can often feel dysregulated. Many adults, adolescents, and children have trouble getting a proper night’s sleep. This can be due to reasons such as anxiety, nightmares, insomnia, or other sleep related issues. What most individuals do at the end of the day is simply put on their pajamas, get in bed, and try to sleep. This is not always enough for some, who may end up tossing and turning throughout the night. One thing that can help us to achieve better sleep is to create a night time routine to prepare us for bed. Night time routines may seem pointless, but can actually be very helpful in improving the quality of your sleep. Some suggestions to create your own night time routine are:

• Pick a set time that works for your schedule at which you will go to sleep Sunday – Thursday, on Friday and Saturday you can extend this time by a couple of hours if you wish. Example: Sunday-Thursday 10pm, and Friday/Saturday 12am.
• Try to avoid screens (phone, tv, computer) for at least 30 minutes before bed.
• Find a time to wind down before going to sleep, this can be taking warm bath/shower, reading, listening to calming music, or anything that relaxes and calms you.
• Try to make your bed as inviting as possible by washing your bedding once a week.
• Pick out some comfortable pajamas,
• Keep the TV off in your bedroom as it can be too stimulating. If you feel like you must have it on try putting on something that won’t keep you awake such as a music or soundscape video, turning down the volume and brightness of your TV or wearing a sleep mask can also be helpful.
• Avoid drinking anything right before going to bed, this can disrupt your sleep later in the night because you’re having to get up and use the bathroom.
• Limit your caffeine intake later in the day. Caffeine is a stimulant that can interrupt your sleep if you have it to late in the day.
• Don’t check your clock. Checking your clock to see what time it is when you can’t sleep can make it even harder to fall asleep. Try having your clock facing away from you or across the room where you can’t see it.
• If you have trouble shutting your mind off when you go to sleep keep a notepad by your bed where you can write down the thoughts you’re having, and remind yourself to revisit them the next day.

These are just some of the things that can help you to create a successful night routine for yourself. Each person’s routine will likely be different from the next and that’s okay, it’s all about finding what works for you. Hopefully trying out these tips can aid you in creating a night time routine that will help to get a better night’s sleep.

Written by Michelle Brown

Graduate Counseling Intern at Step by Step Counseling LLC

You did it… you brought a beautiful baby into this world. For 9 months, you suffered aches and pains. You heard endless badgering on what to do and what not do regarding your baby. You became vulnerable and hypervigilant to yourself and the world around you. Take a moment and be proud of yourself – relish in the knowledge that you took pregnancy day by day, fighting the challenges it brings, and you made it here.

I think as new mothers we tend to get lost in the thoughts of others and their opinions rather than our own. This brings us back to the badgering from others about what you ought to be doing. Not only do you hear this on a regular basis, but when you get those few moments to yourself to look on social media and you see a mother on Instagram with her baby in their stroller with a fit and toned body after having a baby two months ago, you may think to yourself, “How do they do it? Am I doing something wrong?”. Momma, I’m here to tell you right now that you are perfectly fine where you are. Instagram shows the highlight reel of the mother, but they don’t show the trials they go through much like the trials you are going through. In fact, authors Alison Rogers and Erin White of Breathing Space for New Mothers: Rest, Stretch, and Smile – One Yoga Minute at a Time say, “the comparison game is the only game we play to lose”. It’s time to take a moment and read these few tips or words of advice:

Do not compare yourself to other women

Again, this goes back to the quote mentioned earlier. It’s hard for us to not compare ourselves to other women and become upset with ourselves because we aren’t in the same position as them. Momma, you’re doing it too. You’re raising your baby to the absolute best of your ability – you do not need Instagram or social media to prove that to others. 9 times out of 10, a lot of the celebrity women that you follow on social media that have children, have additional support from a nanny, a personal trainer, or maybe even a personal chef. Not all of us can sit in the lap of luxury, and that’s OK! Each journey is different for each mother. Don’t allow yourself time to compare your journey or tweak your journey to make it look more like the ones you see on social media. Focus on taking care of yourself and your precious baby.

Go easy on yourself.

Motherhood is complicated especially new motherhood. This is a completely different experience for you, and it is a learning experience. Please do not expect to get everything right; don’t beat yourself up when you don’t have all the answers. In fact, use this time to reach out for help. It is so important to make sure that you are taken care of so that way you can provide care to your baby. If you have family that can support you, lean on them during this time and get that additional support. If you need a break or someone to talk to, talk to your best girl friend (or guy friend!) and get all your emotions out there. To take it one step further, ask for the additional support if you need to attend therapy sessions to get back on track (post-partum depression is real, and we are here to help you). The importance of this is to not be so hard on yourself while you are learning. Your baby still loves you.

Breathe, breathe, breathe

You’re tired, you’re frustrated, you’ve been pushed to your limits. Take a few moments out of your day to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. While you are breathing, I want you to think about all that you are doing to help your baby and yourself. Understand that you are doing absolutely everything that you can – and you are doing your best. Just be with yourself for a few moments and realize that you are capable, you are relentless, you can do this.

I think it’s important to remember that it’s OK to not have all of the answers, and it is perfectly fine to take motherhood day by day. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. I want you to understand that your emotions, your feelings are completely normal with everything going on around you. If you are a first-time mother, this is a totally differently worldview for you, and I want you to understand that this is a learning experience. You are doing the best that you can. If this is not your first time being a mother, you are still encouraged to practice these tips as you raise your little ones. I hope that these tips help you as you begin your journey through motherhood and immerse yourself in this beautiful opportunity as you continue to learn more and more about your baby.

Thank you, and take care!

Jill M.
Graduate Counseling Intern
Step by Step Counseling LLC

Cleaning is something all of us must do in our daily lives whether it is just after yourself or others as well. When you are dealing with ADHD it can seem even more difficult at times, this could be due to restlessness, attention issues, problems staying organized, or the task requires too much mental effort. All of these things can make it more difficult for someone with ADHD to keep things clean. While people with ADHD often do have trouble with cleaning, they are not the only ones who can find it overwhelming. Individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression and Grief can also become overwhelmed by the task of cleaning. For anyone dealing with these issues it can be hard to find the motivation to get it done. Some tips that can help make cleaning seem a bit less daunting are:

• Try to fit it into your routine: To start try picking one or two times a week to fit cleaning into your schedule
• Set a time limit: If you dislike feeling like you’re endlessly cleaning try to set a time limit for how long you will clean. This can be anywhere from ten minutes to an hour where clean as much as you can manage for the whole time.
• Take Breaks: Taking a break when cleaning is feeling like it’s become too much can often help to give you more energy and put the focus back on cleaning. Try not to make your break more than a few minutes long though.
• Start Small: If you aren’t sure where to start, start small, try picking up all of the trash in the room, picking up everything blue, or everything that goes into the kitchen.
• Make your space functional: If cleaning an entire room is too overwhelming for you, start with cleaning enough to make that space functional, and then you can work up to cleaning everything else.
• Set Easy Goals: If you want to make a goal of cleaning everyday try set a goal of picking up 10-30 items a day to start and then add in more items as you go, this can help you to feel like you are getting something clean everyday.
• Take Before Photos: Having a photo to look back and see the progress you’re mak
• Upkeep: If you’re having trouble keeping things clean throughout the week try the basket method.
  • The basket method is a simple way to help those struggling with cleaning to keep things tidy throughout the week. The way the basket method works is as follows:
    • To start get a set of baskets, enough to have one for each room in your house, and label each one with the name of the room you’d like it to go in, kitchen, living room, bathroom, bedroom etc.
    • Make sure your baskets stay in the room where they belong in by having a designated spot for them to go
    • When cleaning throughout the week set aside a chunk of time 10-20 minutes to do this.
    • During that time pick a room in which you will do your tidying up, if you need to, try doing one room a day or even one a week.
    • For example when cleaning the living room, take the assigned living room basket and fill it with everything that does not belong in that room
    • Once the basket is filled take it to the other rooms in your home and place each item in the basket for the room they belong in, you can repeat this step if necessary, then the next time you go into a room you can take the items from that basket and put them away.

These are just a few ways that can help those with ADHD and anyone who is struggling to find the motivation to clean keep their space in order. Figuring out what works the best for you personally is key. So hopefully these tips can help you on your journey to keeping things cleaner.

Written by: Michelle Brown

Graduate Counseling Intern at Step by Step Counseling LLC

The Coronavirus pandemic has made words such as social distancing, quarantine, and masks part of our everyday language.  This new normal of doing many things virtually can be daunting for members of the older population.  Many independent living, assisted living, and nursing homes have restricted visitor access too.  This has led to many elderly individuals being isolated from friends and loved ones.  In addition, it has also led to the restriction of many activities they would regularly engage in.

Depression in the elderly can present differently than it does in younger people.  When depression in the elderly is left untreated, its symptoms can mimic other conditions like dementia.  

Here are some ways to detect depression in the elderly:

• Loss of concentration or other cognitive abilities (not due to a medical condition)
• Low mood
• Loss of pleasure in activities
• Significant weight loss or gain
• Decrease or increase in appetite
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Fatigue
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Excessive or inappropriate guilt
• Thoughts of suicide or death

If an individual has recurring thoughts of suicide or death (or suicide attempts), that would warrant an emergency psychiatric evaluation.  A comprehensive evaluation by a mental healthcare professional will help to determine what an appropriate treatment will be.  Possible interventions may include medications, talk therapy, change in the social environment, focusing on caring for other physical disorders, or changing medications for other conditions the individual may already be prescribed.